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Reality TV star Layla Taylor revealed she's been silently struggling with an eating disorder for years during the tumultuous season four of "The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives."
Taylor, 25, admitted she has been living with an eating disorder since high school. During an episode of the Utah-based show, Taylor said she's been abusing GLP-1s and weighs in at 99 pounds at 5' 10".
"I just feel like, I don't think I'll ever be small enough in my head," the model said. "And I know it's affecting me. Like, I'm so exhausted all the time because I don't eat. And my body hurts every night when I go to bed. I literally lay down, and if my knees are touching each other, it hurts because I don't have enough fat on my body to cushion it."
"I know that it's going too far, and I'm taking it too far, but I can't stop," she added.
'MORMON WIVES' STAR SAYS PLASTIC SURGERY NIGHTMARE RUINED HER LIFE AND REALITY TV CAREER
Taylor opened up about her eating disorder and GLP-1 use after being turned down for a modeling job with a big agency.
"Getting rejected by a modeling agency, like that means there's something wrong with me that they didn't choose me," she told her friends during the show. "So I feel I've been like, the last couple of days I've really been struggling so hard with confidence that I'm like, 'I weigh too much or my face isn't symmetrical.'"
The mom of two revealed she'd been using GLP-1s for about a year.
"I initially got on them because I feel like I just had stubborn weight that I couldn't get off," she said during a confessional. "But the thing is that people don't talk about how addictive this is and how hard it is to get off, and it's just this never-ending thing that's so negative."
Taylor pointed to Utah's obsession with looks and how it's compounded her addiction. "It's a very negative part of the Utah culture. I can't even count on both hands how many people I know abuse GLP-1s, like myself, and it's a real problem."
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The "Mormon Wives" star admitted she once found validation in people calling her thin in her comments, but the relentless online commentary has since become too much to handle.
"I feel like for a long time there, people calling me ill or saying that I look sick or too thin - It was almost a dopamine rush for me because I feel with an eating disorder. It's like, 'Someone's noticing all this work that I'm putting in to look this way, and it's paying off in a way.'"
"But now I can't even post a simple ad to make money to support my family without there being a bunch of comments on it, and it's actually starting to get a lot that I don't even want to post right now because I can't run away from it."
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Taylor has addressed her weight on the show in previous seasons after her co-stars shared concerns.
"I've been skinny my whole life, though. I feel like everyone's concerned right now, but I've been tiny my whole entire life," she told Demi Engemann.
"Do you think there's a part of you that still kind of struggles with body dysmorphia?" Engemann asked.
"Oh, 100%," Taylor acknowledged. "And it's sad because it's like, when you guys tell me, 'Oh, you used to look like a healthy weight,' like when you have an eating disorder, the word 'healthy' triggers me."
"When people tell me that I look tiny, and I'm starting to look sick, for some reason, in my twisted brain, that gives me an endorphin rush."
